Discovering the hard truth

i have been walking the most lonely path that i believe that i have ever walked before.. i feel stranded. i have found myself constantly que...

i have been walking the most lonely path that i believe that i have ever walked before.. i feel stranded. i have found myself constantly questioning the ways of God. i havent known what to do. i dont understand what is happening to me.. i feel as though every turn that i make inevitably leads me running into a wall.. im lost. i feel deprived from Gods love. and in turn deprived from God. my mood is consistantly somber and down.. i find that i have to muster up energy just to smile.
this has been me for a while. and i could most definanitely bore you to death with a poor ole me story and tell you of my seemingly never ending streak of bad luck.. but i wont.. instead let me tell you what God has shown me through it all.. but before i start know that i am nothing more than a man.. not much of one at that. i hurt and sometimes in those times of hurt i am just as likely to act poorly as anybody else.. my heart has been hurt.. i have felt as though my family was taken from me..perhaps deservingly perhaps not. all i know now for sure is the revalation that i have recieved from God through it all .. this was my prayer.. i hope that maybe you have been here and this will encourage you..
oh God how you have delivered me when i am so unworthy of it.. i have wined and whimered.. i have been an embarrasment to you.. i have questioned you and your ways to the point of disrespect.. i have forgotten your love.. i have been the very person that i preached agianist being. i have not been someone who has helped the cause that is the cross.. i have been an embarrasment to it. who am i.. what am i.. i deserve nothing and you give me more anyway.. i fail and you love me the same. i become a baby and you dont lose patientence. i walk when you want me to simply be still and you never leave me.. like a loving shepard who refuses to lose any sheep... you have hung on to me when i have not been the expample that i should be.. The worst part of it all is that you were helping me.. your were cleaning me off.. you were showing me love through it all.. you hadnt abandoned me you were after all pertecting me.. oh how selfish am i? the very God that wants to sanctify me is the very God that i question.. that God that delivered issac and parted the sea. the God that flooded all the earth and created it back agian. the God who forgave david and restored him.. the God of elijah and the God of jacob.. the God who created Adm.. The God who used nehimiah to rebuild a wall that they said coulnd be rebuilt.. The God of jousha and the wall that stands no more. the God of eden and the God that killed a giant with a rock. the One who talked through fire and casued moses to Glow. the God of the ultimate sacrifice Jesus Crist.. the God of the cross and the tomb.. the God who kicked the enemy in the teeth and told his son to arise the the grave could no longer hold him...The God that told some fisherman to follow him and they gave up everything in his name.. the God that heals the sick and loves the unloved. the God of the prodigal son and the God that told them to lay down the stones unless they were without sin..The God that reaches down into hell and grabs us for no other reason other reason than he loves us.. oh God how you love me.. who am i apart from you.. i am nothing. i am simply yours Father..
I know that you have been breaking me down so that you can build me back up and set me lose so that i can make an impact for you.. and i have questioned you.. after all you are the God that took this guy with a GED and said i made you for more.. i have set you apart to preach my word.. but its a path that is hard to walk.. i make you no promises except that i wont leave you.. no matter how far away that you think that i am know that Im there..
i have had all the highs and done all the drugs.. i have experienced all the things of the world and there is nothing that compares to you father.. how awesome are you.. how selfish and disgraceful i have become.. how childish i am.. you love me just the same.. you love me oh God you love me, you love me, oh dear God you love me.. in ways i cant understand.. for reasons i cant fathom.. you love me... i am the apple of you eye.. youy have set apart to see you in glory and i have wined and whimpered.. thank you jesus for your never ending grace and mercy.. Thank you jesus for you love that simply never runs dry..
thank you that i turned and walked the wrong way. and when i came back you put a ring on my finger and sandals on my feet and set me at the head of the table.. thats the God i serve... Thats the God i serve..
i long to be dangerous for you Lord.. i am nothing.. Simply yours..

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