5 Things i have learned from Marriage

A couple of weeks ago I had the honor of speaking to ladies at Mops on Fort Campbell. I had an absolute blast doing this. But I was sup...

A couple of weeks ago I had the honor of speaking to ladies at Mops on Fort Campbell. I had an absolute blast doing this. But I was super nervous and super intimidated. Just the audience alone was enough to have me freaking out a bit. But they also wanted a man (that being me) to talk about relationships and marriage with me being the only adult male in the room. I was just hoping not to get mobbed. 

So after a lot of deliberation on what to talk about I settled on just sharing 5 things I have learned from marriage in the almost 10 years I have been married. So I thought I would share those with you guys also. 

So here they are.

Fight for each other – Do not give up and do not be willing to walk away. Be willing to fight for your spouse even when you do not have to. Few things change a person like someone who fights for them and loves them when they don’t have to.

Fight Smart – Figure out how to most effectively communicate with one another. Unproductive conversation in times of tension will breed anger and bitterness. I know in my life that my wife and I both have trouble listening in times of tension. So we sometimes have to find a different way to communicate so that we can both be understood. If we start at a place of seeking to understand rather than seeking to be understood things tend to go a lot better. Sometimes for us texting causes us to slow down and process through what the other person is trying to communicate. 

Dig to the root – forever and ever my wife and I argued over my schedule and how busy I am. I quickly got to a point where I never wanted to have to tell her I wouldn’t be home for this or for that. It would make her furious. Eventually I found out it is a respect thing for my wife. Its not that she needs me home every moment of every day. It is that I should respect her enough to keep her informed about my schedule so she can plan accordingly. This changed our marriage. But forever we did not dig to the root to find the real issue. Take the time to ask hard questions to find out what is driving a particular argument. 

Clarify Expectations – Just like in any relationship you need to clarify the expectations of what you need from the other person. This obviously applies to leadership as well. If you want someone to be successful then let them know what success looks like. Figure out what you need from one another and then go from there. Expectations that are clear are far easier to meet. 

Intentional Romance – Don’t settle for seeing each other. Not long ago my and my wife celebrated an anniversary and I asked her what is your favorite memory of us that doesn’t involve children. She did not even hesitate before she described some evening we had several years ago. To be honest I barely remembered it. But for her it was outside of the norm and a special evening. It occurred to me then that the same ole same ole will not get it done. I have to be intentional to romance the love of my life. 

Ok so I know I am not the only married person out there. What would you add to this list?

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