Its What You Do That Counts

I am crazy about relationships. I love good healthy friendships. I love having them. I love seeing them. But most of all I love being ...

I am crazy about relationships. I love good healthy friendships. I love having them. I love seeing them. But most of all I love being a part of them. Throughout my life I have been absolutely blessed with being a part of some amazing friendships. Last week my wife and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. And we talked about some of the people that have heavily influenced our life. I was blown away by the list of people as I thought through them. All the people that have stood by us on our journey. All the people we have gotten the opportunity to stand by. The amazing friends we have made. It’s been an incredible journey.

But. . . . I have learned a few things too.

Not long ago I found out that some of my absolute favorite people in the world felt like I didn’t enjoy spending time with them. The thought blew me away. Have you ever had that happen? I felt one way, but my actions gave the perception that I felt a whole different way. I would consider these some of the most important people in my life. They are great friends, and incredible mentors. Truthfully if there is a problem with this relationship it is that I probably put them up on too much of a pedestal!

I know that in my heart and I could share that with no problems. My head knows the words to say. But my actions were communicating something entirely different. I was pushing them away. Causing them to think I didn’t enjoy being around them. I wasn’t being intentional to make sure and communicate with what I DO that I adore them and I am soo honored to be a part of their life.

Nothing we say as leaders, friends, and people will ever communicate as loudly as what we actually DO! All the words and feelings in the world wont matter if they don’t lead us to act in way that coveys those feelings.

I learned a few things through that experience.

My actions need to match up – What I say is great. But I had better be prepared to back up what I say with actions that further communicate my feelings. When you say you feel one way and act as though you feel another you create confusion in relationships. Be sure to be up front and honest with how you feel. But be prepared for the final judgment to come from how you act.

Don’t make assumptions – When it comes to those relationships that matter most to you. Or to the leaders you serve with. Don’t assume there is distance because it is you. Really just don’t make assumptions. Find out what the problem is. Fight for relationship and for healthy teams. I thought there were just tired of me. Turns out with every passing week I was hurting their feelings more and more. I should have found out. Not assumed anything!

Fill the gap – There was a gap between what I said and what I did. Just recognizing that is simply not enough. I have to make the adjustments. Apologizing is a great step. Telling them how you really feel is a great step. But without action those things will become invalid. Your actions should be reinforcing what you say. Not a hinder it. 

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