Chasing a Moment

I’m and addict named Ryan There is no way to know when it will come. There is not real guarantee it ever really will. But there is a mome...

I’m and addict named Ryan

There is no way to know when it will come. There is not real guarantee it ever really will. But there is a moment for addicts, who enter recovery, where they realize they no longer want to live like this. They 

 want to be free of the pain, the fear, the resentments, the anger, and the shame. The question isn’t at what point will they decide to look up and begin their climb. They question is will they ever choose to take their life back. There is no magic equation, not set of words you can put together to finally wake us up. The only thing I know for sure about my life is that love is what eventually brought me back to life.

There is one common misconception about addiction that I wish everyone understood. Addiction, whatever form it may come in, is only fun for a very short while. The unfortunate reality is by the time the fun and excitement wears off we are now fully active in our addiction. By the time I realized I had a very serious problem I was incapable of seeing the world for what it really was. I was incapable of stopping. My whole life was just about trying to get that first experience all over again.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

The definition of an addiction is doing the same thing over and over again hoping for the exact same result. The problem is addiction doesn’t work that way. It steals your life, it steals your joy, it steals your dignity, and it steals your capacity for love.

This video below is an incredibly accurate depiction of addiction and the path it takes you down from the very first experience to the very end where all you see is the darkness.

Watch the video all the way through and notice what happens at the end. It’s the darkest place I have ever experienced. All hope seemed to have vanished, and life seems impossible to navigate any longer. If this is you. You are not alone. You can recover. You can heal. It does get better. It’s a slow process and I wish I could tell you that I have gotten all the way to the other side. I am still walking through this journey and some days are still terribly difficult. But even on my worst day, it still a better place than any day as an addict.

If you are ready please feel free to comment and encourage others below. Feel free to leave your comments anonymously. 


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  1. A successful recovering addict MUST do the following things: Regularly attend meetings and stay close to other addicts in recovery. Find a GOOD sponsor which supervises your recovery. Study, work through (with your sponsor) the 12 steps, and incorporate them into your daily life. Read the Bible and recovery literature and pray several times a day. Get involved in 12 step work. That is, helping those who are struggling with addiction. Don't ignore, put off, or refuse to do steps 5 and 9. Foster a close relationship with your higher power, which for the early founders of AA was Jesus Christ. Their big book (before it was written) was the Bible. Do not, repeat do not think that you can avoid doing all of these things and have a successful recovery. It will not work. Do the hard work that needs to be done...embrace it. If you do these things you will find the peace and joy you were seeking when you were using!


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